Soul Searching........ and I found HIpHOP

So I havent been on my blog in a while, not coz I dont have time( lol got plenti of that for a change) but because I have been doing some soul searching. Having all this time on my hands got me thinking about alot of things. Before it was always about my future and now that things haven't gone as planned I've had time to reflect on myself, past current and future. And thats prity much a sub headings for this entry!(lame) LOL

Past:

My past where do I begin? I ask myself. I try to think back to come to understanding of how I came to where I am today. Geez as a youngster ( lol how old school its that word), I was one of those kids who just wanted to be cool, hanged with the cool kids and what not. Though I've always had a moral ground. I neva did anything too stupid! Anyway I loved Hip Hop straight off the back. The funny thing is I went to a lil private school where the majority of students listened to rock, punk( which i did my fair share of, cmon I wanted to be cool). For me it was the culture of Hip Hop that fascinated me the most, the rapping was cool but lets keep it real I didnt really understand much of it then, the beats spoke more to my soul and rhythm more than the lyrics. At one stage I was even hectically into graffiti and convinced myself I would become a graffiti artist( I secretly still do ), buuuuuut I sucked! I grew up looking up to artists like....Wheelz, Falko, Faith. Those people made me view art and music and life from a completely different perspective, I still got mad respect for them! Anyway long fucken story short, I just loved art, fashion, music, film. But it was more than a love for it. Being so young it was my passion it drove me to wanting to achieve more in life. The reason for choosing a creative path in my studies.

Current:

Thank the lord I was an inquisitive child, otherwise I wouldn't have the life I have now. So I haven't really achieved ALL the things I was suppose to according to my 14yr old self. Ha ha! Anyway Im in a weird stage/phase in my life. Like my mom says  "Your generation have the all opportunities, if I was still 20 I would be doing all the crazy things" *rollling my eyes* .....of course you would mom your're just one crazy gal (sarcasm). LOL but on a serious note there is some truth in what she says. Yeah we have all the opportunities, this is true if you are motivated you can become anything you want. Unlike back in the day when gender, race and class inequality stood in the way. If I wana be a graffiti artist I can be it, heck if u wana be a singer I can( I mean if Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian can sing then im sure we all can) HA ha. I can be anything my heart desires. The thing is I'm still that kid, I  just wana be EveryTHANG a Stylist, Make up artist, DJ, Artist, Music Video director,Model, Tv show host, Tv Presenter, Film Director, Race car driver, Fashion Designer, Photographer, Social worker. LOL and I'm dead serious. I am either one freaky control freak coz it seems all the shit I wana do it because I wana do it rather than somebody else. Lucky for me all of these aspirations have a common theme, creativity. So its not actually impossible, nothing is really. "The only way to find the limits of the possible is to go beyond them" 

Future:

So this is what it all comes down to. I don't know if I share this same experience with you peeps but if I don't..... I'm really stupid. LMAO Scenario: You meet someone(usually someone one older), and they either talking about politics and you like "uhmmmm yeah bout that Obama, Ima vote for him( when elections are over)" LOL, you will say something retarded because you actually dont know shit bout politics to have a decent conversation. Now the same can apply to anything else really. That feeling when you realize you dont know enough but you wish you did. By speaking to these people you get inspired to learn more, as u want to conversate and give your intellectual opinion. Its not like you stupid or anything you just not as in tuned with politics as they are.

Well in a nutshell thats where Im at. I believe in broadening my knowledge, I dont want a day to go past where I dont learn something new. One is never to old to learn, it actually keeps you young. My approach  to broadening my knowledge is some what different, starting with.......  what do I like? Music, fashion, TV ect, I want to achieve all the things, and be knowledgeable I don't wana look back and be like 'uuuh what have I done in my life?'.... Fokol.... and write some stupid ass bucket list for my old ass! Nah I want to be knowledgeable, I want people to look up to me the way I did with my people that inspire me. Most importantly I want to share my knowledge with the generation to come and show them the many possibilities. But I dont just wana be knowledgeable on politics or some other boring shit, but things that interest me. My passions.... HIp hop, I want to know the origin, the real meaning of Hip Hop and what it means to me now. And ditto for Tv, fashion, film, theatre, TV. I want my passions to make me and intellect that defines the person that I am. And the way i want to achieve this is through self - education. This is a wonderful thing, I don't need to waste money on taking a course or bugging someone to teach me. Ambition is what it comes down to if I really want to be more knowledgeable I need to put myself out there, by educating myself. Technology has made self education so easy, its there u just have to use it. One has no excuse if you don't know shit. Take that initiative, its rewarding!!!

Hip Hop has always been apart of my life, its one of those things I have always managed to define myself as. Yet I didn't really know as much as I should. It then lead me to doing something about it, I'm learning everyday something  new and it has mad me a better me. And no matter how old i get i will always keep it fresh, coz there is no limit to learning. Hip Hop......Thank you! Let this journey never end.