Unemployment….the life of an actor

Today is just one of those days where I'm feeling rather bleak. This is the first time I've been unemployed for such a long time. It not like me at all i consider my self go-getter and believe in hard work in order to succeed. As of late I've been somewhat unmotivated. Life aint all that sometimes. Especially when you realize you NOT living in the fab lane. We've all had big plans and ideas about when we done with school and later varsity. We all assume that we will get work as soon as we graduate (Not a realistic assumption). But nooooo I choose the degree where you walk out with a degree and have to make something out of nothing. Now don't get me wrong, with every degree you don't walk out the next day and have a job. In reality if you study to become a doctor or an accountant or even a lawyer you become a lawyer, doctor or an accountant. Whereas I studied film theory and drama. I can walk out and say I'm an actor but I don't have any legitimate experience. I cant take that and demand a high pay job. Uhmm NO that aint going to happen. So here I am unemployed and the problem is, over time I've become unmotivated. Everyday im hustling( like Katt Williams) and I am not winning. The term 'couch potatoe' for me, was for people who didn't care about themselves and enjoyed sponging off their parents, lazy people, to be honest I looked down upon them. And look at me I'm in the exact situation, well I don't enjoying sponging of my parents or sitting on the couch everyday. I hate that I'm 22(And I aint getting younger) and still dependant on my folks. People often have the same negative perception unemployment, but being unemployed is an emotional rollercoaster. Finding a job these days is not easy, especially if you have devoted your time towards your studies which means you have no time to gain experience in the industry( which is what employers want). It's a reality shock when you are unemployed and know that you have dreams that you want to fulfill but no one is giving you the opportunity to progress. Im not blaming anyone because its no ones fault, its just life and and times like these its hard not fall into the slump and be unmotivated. And what's even harder is the coming out.

The life of an actor revolves around what scripts is in production and what people are looking for, if there is not a high demand for a short African looking young girl, then so sorry for me, it's late. It's out of my control. Again I make reference to Hollywood. Sometimes we ask oh what happened to Charlize Theron, haven't seen anything with her in. Often actors say they taking a break when in reality they are not in demand and it could be the year of young actors. That is an entire year without pay, hustling to get work so you can make some money to pay your rent and what what. In this time of unemployment it's difficult to sit at home or be on 'vacation ' and not feel bad that you not doing more with your life. Yeah its cool to say, I'm an ACTOR….. but if you haven't been in anything worthwhile for people to recognize, well then you are just unemployed. The instability of an actor and the media industry in general can be summed up in..  and I quote the Project Runway host Mrs Heidi Klum… 'One day you in the next day your OUT' .And  for an actor you could be out for a long ass time and just one day if you lucky reappear to the scene like Doctor MC Dreamy aka Patrick Demsey and  be again.( hence the emotional rollacoaster i mentioned earlier) But we don't realize what he had to go through emotionally during that time.



I then think about my parents and in the past generation, by the time you are 21
you are out the house( hence the giving of the key at 21sts) and most cases either preggies or have kids. This wasn't uncommon then. I always thought that by the time I was 21 I'd have my own apartment( me paying for it of course) fly ass car, be an independent super stylish woman( suit up, laptop having brunch at some fancy coffee shop- coz i can) and no kids. So far the no kids is still something I don't desire just yet. But the point is that I live with my parents and am still finically dependable on them. I'm trying my best looking for work but I will be a fresh outa college girl with no experience. Yeah I wont be getting a 80 grand check for my first job. Reality is… for me to live the lifestyle I dream and desire Ima need to make a whole lota of money to live by myself. I don't just mean the luxury costs im talking about car emergencies, medical, taxes ect. damn the real world is hard, people don't play when they say that. Being in the position that I am currently in sometimes it's hard to pick yourself up every day after being rejected. Especially lately, I've been to a couple of castings and haven't been casted for one. I am truly bummed and its such a slap in the face, even feel like a failure at times. One might think I am insecure but its not that, I dedicated three years of my studies to become an actor and when I'm not casted for one it's hard to not take it personally. You see the casting process is a bit of a bitch, you go in do your thang and unlike in school, you don't get crit afterwards for what you doing wrong( if anything) or how you could improve. You just get thrown in the deep end and pray that you have what it takes. I often walk out there thinking I gave my all and like yeah I nailed it. After that I don't get casted, my first thought is 'perhaps I'm not wat they looking for' and move on, but then I think further... maybe if I was more energetic or better dressed, lighter, darker or thinner I would of had it in the bag. This is not the correct way to go about casting but it is personal for me because it is my life, this is the life I've chosen. In order to succeed I believe that I will never stop learning. So I would like to know if I'm doing anything wrong or what they didn't like so that I know ok cool I needa work on that. Now this will never happen, because we don't live in an ideal world and I just have to suck it up and be a big girl and just stay strong. As they say IF IT DONT KILL YOU IT MAKES YOU STRONGER, and i aint dead bitches. You gotta start somewhere and life is but a journey and though I question it I am internally grateful for the life I have.

x

SO I'm a beeeg Amy Winehouse fan

........And this is why :

It begins to tell round midnight, round midnight

I do pretty well, till after sundown

Supper time I'm felling sad

But it really gets bad round midnight

Memories always start round midnight, midnight

Haven't got the heart to stand those memories

When my heart is still with you

And old midnight knows it too

When some quarrel we've had needs mending

does it mean that our love is ending?

Darlin, I need you, lately I find 

You're out of my heart and I'm out of my mind

Let our hearts take wing round midnight, round midnight

Let the angels sing for your returning

Till our love is safe and sound

When old midnight comes around 

When some quarrel we've had needs mending

Does it mean our love is ending?

Darlin I need you, lately I find

You're out of my heart and I'm out of my mind

Till out love is safe and sound

When old midnight comes around

x


This is where my head is and would you look at the time....
I'm out

Deuces
x

ME and my two step

So recently watched Step up 3D, and besides the terrible acting and awful narrative I rather enjoyed it, the dancing that is. The dancing was on point! Man my heart was alive yet again. Where do I begin with my love for dance, Well i danced when I was younger i did modern dance or contemporary dance (as they call it now a days) and then did some hip hop. Wasnt as hard hitting as I desired but dance is more than that for me. Every blady time when I watch a dance movie, I immedialty want to sign up to a dance class and fufill my dancing dreams( like Richard Gere in Shall we Dance). Am I just a sucker for these films or is deeper than that? I mean look at Dirty Dancing, who to this day does not want to be elevated by some sexy man( then sexy). Even Stomp the Yard, Center Stage or Save the last Dance..... I fall for it every time, I even convinced myself  that I will join a class and start dancing immediately. As a film student I am aware that it is ONLY A MOVIE!! ha ha,

The late Patrick Swayze doing what he does best!

There is nothing more fulfilling than putting some music on and just freestyle, or making up you own routine. The music just flows through your body and takes control. Who needs drugs when you can get high from dancing!( wow that is such a corny line). Sometimes I wish i never gave up dancing, well training that is. I really miss it, even seeing pictures of exotic dance moves, grates me because I know if I pursued I would be able to it, well the technicalities of dance.
In the Step up 3D they ask 'What does dance mean to you?' For me it means Freedom, its the only time I actually let go and be me. Any emotional expression I have and cant express for what ever reason, dancing my feelings out does the trick. I always dreamt of becoming a choreographer, doing mostly hard hitting hip hop with the occasional slow dance, aka R&B contemporary vibes.( ok and I secretly still want to be a choreographer). As much as I love me some hip hop, sometimes you gotta turn it down a notch and groove into your zone. The ultimate plan was to make my own music videos in which I direct and choreograph the music videos( super cool i no). Now back to reality, there is no 'music video course' in which I can do for year and get degree in music video production, and join a company the next day and be rewared with a job where I am the director to Ciara music videos. Noooooooo it does not work like that. And thats the thing about this industry it is sooo broad( which is not a bad thing) one day I can be an commercial producer the next day a Music video director. Its crazy but thats how versatile you have to be if you want to make it big. I often sit and ask mysellf , Where do my talents lie???.............

B'girls- Mad respect, Contemporary, Ballet......Beauty!

Yeah so Im still working on that answer.










Ok so like I love checking out dancing videos on youtube, but all the great ones are American based. My argument is that South African Hip hop dance is just not as hard hitting, don't get me wrong there is couple( and I mean few) crews out there that dance good, but they just dont hit as hard as the people in the states. I feel that dance doesnt get taken seriously enough in South Africa. The fire is just not there. I just want to break it down!!! Mann I needa get my own studio, where I can just go and do my thang. Ah well coincidently that will only happen if I'm famous( long shot)
 Anyway....
Dance will always be apart of my life even when I'm occupied by other things.

One of my favourite choreographers - MIKE PEELE I want to dance like this man!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79GgKqk6fzY

AND leave the best for last...................... SOME INSPIRATION:
CIARA RIDE music video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U4ecNuaUvE&feature=fvst

YEs PLease.....

Anime! 

I have one similar, best buy! Can never go wrong with black

Metallic Rainbow!!! :)

Well HElloooo Kitty

*This is just too ill*

DRUM ROLL PLEASE....

Gold Nikes... WOmen edition! 

MY love for kicks!!! I look at these and wonder why I bother with my 9inch heels.