Annocha Gabriella José: The Truth

It has been a while since I blogged, and mostly because I didn't want to share my journey with anyone.......... I am ready now.I have been in Los Angles for just over 8 months and there have been many times I wanted to blog but I could face the moment. I had so many struggles here that I was ashamed to share it with my friends and family. Friend and family who supported me and were excited for me to be here, I didn't want anyone to know that I was struggling. The thought alone of telling people who cared about me that I wasnt do so well after wanting this for so long, I couldn't face that disappointment. So now I will tell you the truth about my adventure in America........

To study at New York Film Academy in America has only been a dream of mine since I was 17 and couldnt afford it. This is not only an opportunity f a life time, but a dream come true. I have worked my ass off to get here, and finally taking the ultimate risk to pursue my dream is well priceless. Coming this way has defiantly been a one of the biggest challenges I have faced, yes I know that sounds cliche but it is true. So I am gona keep it real, I left South Africa in such a rush because I was positive that my life would be better here, is it? Yes and No. I had left my (good) life to pursue my dream, I left in such a hurry that I didn't prepare well enough for what was to come. I sold all my belongings, moved out and sold my car. I had nothing to come back to, I gave it all up for a shot in America. Crazy I know, but damn its a liberating feeling. Selling my car technically gave enough dollars for rent for 2 months and necessities to get me started. I came with one suitcase and 3 pairs of shoes, I figured I would buy some when I get here. Little did I know that I was coming to Hollywood, the movie capital of the world, everything is expensive and my little rand would only serve me for so long. Now stupidly when I arrived I thought I would be able to live like I do back home. So I bought my coffees, my hair products, clothes, food that I knew because not a fuck was I gonna buy American brand shit I didn't know. I spent money left right and center, stupidly like a tourist. Couple of weeks later I was out money the only other income I had was from my mom, who is nurse. To make matter worse, I thought well I do my plan B, get a job. That plan blew up in face when I was informed the 2nd day of school that I was not allowed to work for duration of my study as I was/am on a student visa. Not say that my school schedule allowed it, the acting programme is an intensive course cramming in three 3 hour classes in one day. So lets just say the next couple of months were gona be interesting.........

I got here a week before school started, now looking back that is very little time to make decisions that you are gona have to deal with for 8 months. I decided to stay in a dorm like house 5 miles away from school. Sharing a house with 16 people wasn't exactly what sold me but wasn't what didn't. I thought I would stay here for couple of months (like 2 max) get on feet and move and find a roommate. The upside I thought would be that I am surrounded by people who could be my friends and help me while I try to figure everything out. That is exactly what happened.......... well in so many words. I moved into a house with 16 people, a month turned into 4 months. Not I know it sounds horrible, the thought of living with 16 people is rough, but it wasn't thaaaaaaat bad. Sharing a room with 3 girls on a dodge ass bunk-bed and a bathroom with 7 was a challenge but thankfully the owner was OCD and made sure the living areas were always clean......... well except for the rooms( sigh). I saw this as a learning experience as I had become very set in my ways and selfish living alone for most of years back home. Luckily my roommates were lovely girls, and everyone was friendly. The challenge here was that I had to adapt to a new way of life, the American way, and honestly this transition made me very insecure. I had to now look at the way I do things, now something I have done in a while. What made this strange for me was that I had no idea I would feel like this. I thought I would be like hey world I'm here to kick ass, instead my ass was being kicked. Yet here I was still trying to live my life the only way I knew how, by being Annocha in South Africa, not Annocha in America. Now it was advised to me before I came, that a car is essential in LA and boy oh boy is that true. I had a very fortunate life back home, I had a car since I was 18, which not everyone can say. I never took a taxi, bus or train in my entire life. I never had to, yet 24 years later here I am and I have to take public transport. Do not misunderstand me, the transport system here is way safer than back home and reliable to a degree however, it is still a public form of transport. I had to rely on the bus to go anywhere at anytime of the day and night. Though the problem with LA is that it is a huge city the bus lines end at early times and depending on where you live most routes run on the hour. Iv'e heard its not like New York, not all the bus routes run every 5-10 min. Depending on which route I take I could wait for hours and arrive at my destination hours later if I don't plan the day before. This made times for me rather difficult, I often ended up in the wrong neighborhood at godly hours, and times felt so alone and lost that I would just sit and pray. There had been times where I had been stranded and didnt have money and my phone died, not that I had so many people to call because I brought my pride with me too. I was often too ashamed to ask people for a ride as I didn't want people to know I was struggling. To keep it real with ya'll I was too proud I didn't want to owe people. It was these times that I felt alone. I couldn't tell anyone because I saw these struggles as part of a journey. Since I had spent all my money I had to live off the little money my mom sent me weekly which just covered my basis for the week. Luxuries like going out, having drinks, buying shoes, or anything else was not a priority getting to school and back was. There were times I had to buy things I would break my budget which would have to come out of something and I ended up walking to school. School is about 5miles there and back 45min walk. Walking in the heat was probably the worst, yes I am from South Africa and I should be used to this weather but no, I am not used to humidity and heat waves and walking 5 miles. This was tough for me and often by the time I got to school I was drooling in sweat and often too tired to perform. Even though this was tough and I pulled my ass out of bed every morning 2-3 hours before class to ensure I would make it on time. Sure I had days were I was hungry and had no food. The one that kept me going, I asked myself: "Why am I doing this?" Then I would answer: "Annocha you are pursing your dreams, you are in America you are doing it, so what if it is hard, nobody said was gonna be easy. So be strong and go forth." It was these words that kept me going for a while. This went on for a while, and I didn't want to tell everyone what a tough time I was having and that not everything is what I thought it would be and I was not living the glam LA life. I knew that I could get though all of this and not only come out standing but be a better person. So I kept this all to myself and stopped blogging, stopped being on Facebook and updating about my fab life in LA. See this is the biggest issue I have here, this city is suppose to be so fabulous and well yes most of it is, if you are Kim Kardashian. But if you are like me and everyone else in this city you trying to survive, and just like the movies there is nothing glamorous about it but the finished product. We don't talk about how the movie was made, how many hours you had to retake 1 shot in the cold, during overtime or how you were so tired because you worked a 22hour day yesterday. No, you talk about all the good things of the film, which usually is the end product. So I kept to myself, laid low. What got me going too was usual skype calls with a select view of my friends back home or overseas. Either way, they kept me grounded and I am blessed to have them in my life and on my journey. I can try and summarize the last couple of months below.

My Experience at New York Film academy:

I guess I will never forget my first day at school. I was late because I took the bus and had no idea where I was going. I got to class, everyone had an accent. HA. Man that was funny, being taught my American instructors was a trip. The things that they said I had to expect was way more exciting hearing it than when I read about it online. I was excited but most importantly extremely nervous and scared. Being who I am I wanted to be perfect, I wanted to come in and live up to the expectations of this prestigious school. I was now in Hollywood amongst good actors and good instructors I had my work cut out for me right? One of the first assignments was a monologue, lucky I was prepared for this as I wanted to be good. Sooo this is when it hit me, I watched my fellow classmates perform and I was NOT blown away. Unfortunately this was the reality of the programme. The people who were studying with me had little or no experience. Most people who come to LA come because they watch a movie and think this school is a ticket to fame. This school is exactly that a money pit for hopeful dreams. BUT after realizing this I still took this school for what it is....... an opportunity for me bettering myself as an actress. The first semester was a bit of a bore for me, due to my experience and knowledge of acting at U.C.T, the introduction classes were just a snooze. . As for the majority of my classmates it was all new and exciting. Looking back now I kinda wish I could have my money back. I personally think the school should look into prospective students resumes and locate them accordingly. With that said being here and doing this course was a blessing and I took in everything as a new learning experience even if it it was old for me, being in LA is new for me. During my first couple of weeks at school I had received lost of positive feedback from my peers and instructors. This was nice, and well new for me. I loved acting. I never considered myself a great actress, I just loved acting and being good at it is a personal achievement. So hearing it from people who dont know me was overwhelming. I have been humbled by it ever since, and also motivated me to doing good work even if the circumstances aren't. School not being as cool as I thought it would be and me adjusting to it all was all a bit much for me to take in. The truth was, I wasn't feeling LA at this particular time. Either LA was not living up to its expectations or I wasn't living up to LA expectations either way I was all over the show.

It was the second semester that things started shaping up. at school Started learning the Meisner techniques, Tai Chi, Stage combat, Advanced Scene Study(LOL well so I would like to think) I mean these are these that you dont get taught at every institution and in the short amount of time and is pretty exciting. The only problem I had with school is that I felt like I was not being challenged by my classmates. Majority of the students are newbies and all of this is new and exciting but the heart of acting to me is old. The sad part is that with most of my scene partners I felt like I had to teach them. This is where the school disappointed me. BUT it was okay I challenged myself, and often worked with people that I could not stand but I had to push through that frustration and see it as another learning lesson. School was finally looking good, though I could not live with 16 people anymore. That reality needed a change, I managed to get a room. One of my classmates had a spare room in the place she was staying. It wasn't the best living situation really, it was super far and took me two buses to get anywhere and I had to sleep on a small blow up bed. Not ideal for many other reasons but my roommate gave me a ride to school which helped out alot and ment that I didnt have to walk to to school or stress about how I was getting to school everyday. I finally had a room to myself, which is blessing. Though I was still financially bound to my tight ass budget I couldn't really go out all the time, I went out every now and then. I have been blessed with a really good friend who has showed me the sides to Hollywood I have never would have seen, I am blessed to have her and her kindness in my life.
Now dont get me wrong I have had good times too, it hasn't all been bad just a interesting. When I first arrived and had a couple of contacts and good people (that to this day I feel like I owe them so much for their kindness). They helped me and showed me some cool spots of LA and the LA life. I mean when I did go out I got to go to some pretty tight places, got to to Beachers Madhouse, Disney Land, Venice Beach, Santa Monica Beach, Hollywood Boulevard, Nightclubs, Six Flags Universal Studios and the list goes on. I must say this has been one hell of an experience.

My personal journey:
My main struggle over here has not only been a financial one, but a personal one. I had left home so abruptly, I didnt realize what I had left behind and what I was bringing here. I wanted this for so long I just up and left home so quickly the culture shock of being here was overwhelming. The funny thing is back home we watch so much American TV and films, we are consumed by its culture. Well at least I was, we have these preconceived ideas about Americans that looking at it now is pretty hilarious. And lets not forget their preconceived ideas about us (Safari). Now some of them are true but yeah
I wanted to fit in when I got here, I felt so out of my comfort zone I just wanted to fit in into the industry so that I can at least have a shot in this town. This was probably the worst decision I ever made. There was a stage when I was so overwhelmed by the fascination of being in Hollywood, I became shy. I didnt want to be seen or heard by people because I didnt know who I was anymore. So many people responded to me because I had an accent, which was cool in the beginning but became a bit much in the end. What made it really strange for me, for the first time in my life people found me interesting JUST because I had an accent, Whoooa. Back home I would open my mouth and nobody would give me a second look. Out here I just introduce myself and people are interested to know about me. Imma keep it real here, honestly I wasnt ready for all that. Heck I didnt know all that just yet, I just got here trying to figure it all out. These personal complexes with myself often led to me missing out on life. Stupid I know. Being insecure is stupid as fuck. But hey this is what I felt like in moments when I was suppose to be happy and living the LA life, I was struggling to just be me. Fucked up I know but its the truth .

Anyway enough about my sad life. I am doing better now. My tax money pulled though in October and gave me enough cash to buy some wheels. So I now own a car. FUCK YEAH. I temporarily live in Hollywood with two amazing roommates. Since I am on a student visa, I am not allowed to work for the duration of my study, although once I completed the course I am allowed to stay here for year with a OPT (Optical Practical Training) like a work permit in my field of study. This is where you will find me right now. I am waiting on my OPT so that I can officially start working (Legally) in this country. I have now graduated from school, though school was not perfect and not what I expected at all. I have learnt to be a better actress, I have an even greater love for acting than I ever did before. That right there is a blessing. Right now I am hustling to get work while my OPT comes though in December. I have been working on my visual profiles online to help me going, but to be honest I am scared. I know this industry is tough and well I experienced some parts of it back home. Out here Im playing with the big cats, and boy there are many of them. I am trying to believe in myself and all the positive feedback I have been getting from my peers and family. Being an actor is being vulnerable to the world, letting the world see your fears, your happiness, your strengths, your Life. My deepest fear right now is exposing myself to the world, that I am scared and vulnerable. BUT I have taken a giant leap when I set foot on that plane and right now I need to believe that I can make this crazy dream come true. I no longer want to be afraid or let my fear determine my choices. I want to take on the world, most importantly I want to make my family and friends and everyone who has supported me PROUD. Having my dreams come true is not a selfish act, its one I want share with everyone and make them believers like me. Writing this blog was tough, posting it even tougher but if it makes people understand me better, inspire people to be more then it is worth it. So now I will go and put myself out there, something I have been intentionally avoiding to to do for the last couple of weeks ( I told myself I wasn't ready aka good enough, self sabotage I know) and see how this industry takes me. Am I really ready? I dont know, and right now I don't care, I want this. I have worked to long and hard and I guess I am ready.......... To make my family, friends and country proud. I hope to pave the way for many more who dream big.

LEGGO.

If you took the time out to to read this, I thank you.

Here is a link about my thoughts on LA
Project LA - Expectations vs Reality

Here are some photos of my time in LA.